Yours truly lost and confused, BrokenMind.

At this point I really don’t know what this log is about or what I'm writing. This just seems like the easiest way to voice out my opinion, as well as release the worries that have been building up in my mind these past few weeks, and hopefully the stress that has built up with the arrival of each new worry in my broken mind.
I have finally lost ‘it’, whatever it may be I am yet to find out. I am currently sitting on my bed and just typing all this nonsense because I desperately need to get all this out of my head.

I have had people say a lot of things to me good or bad, I have had teachers walking in to my class and telling those of us with the not so perfect grades and tell my form that they don’t have a doubt that majority of my class is going to have to be held back a year so proudly and full of confidence, and when we tell them they are being too harsh and killing what little self confidence we have left, they raise there voices and tell us that we don’t know how it feel to be so disappointed. What they fail to look at is how we would be feeling, having learnt late into the night or even in to the early hours of the morning for a week only to write a test and get the work sheet back with the word “Un-gradable” or the mark 7.7% or less written boldly at the top right corner of your paper. People in the same form as you who easily walk up to a teacher and ask them for help, but when you attempt to do the same, all you hear in the voice in the back of your head asking you, “ if you go for help, will it make a difference?”. Sadly, what the teachers say is justified by the attitude exhibited by some students.

Can you really blame an academically weak student who is in a class labeled as the, “The worst form there has been” for failing to motivate his/herself to learn? The saddest part is when most of the students in such a class are not performing so well because of issues at home, personal issues and statements which a student will find very hard to explain to his/her own friends, how much more a teacher. When a teacher says such de-motivating comments to a student that is already constantly struggling to keep him/herself from breaking down and crying already, is it possible for such a student to actually sit down and study with the persons personal problems as well as such de-motivating thoughts going through the persons head.

When a class is constantly put down simply because there are some bad nuts in it, own will the few unspoilt nuts manage to go on if they are having personal crisis coupled with the ever so constant string of downing words? Its like if a class is known for notorious behavior, all the individuals in the class are bad. It’s not supposed to work that way. When new teaches are being informed of the way the school is run by their co workers, they are told not to pay too much attention to my class, or not to expect anything good of the class. Although I am not one of those usually spoken ill of(character wise), it worries me deeply when my classmates, which I'm barely acquainted with, get spoken ill of. I may not know them well or get along with them, but it makes me sick when I hear bad things being said about any of them.

The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that my class is not a class. Most people don’t speak to more than 5% of the class myself included. They don’t realize that is we constantly act as a class it will end 50% of our troubles. Most people don’t care about the next person or think it’s important to be on good terms with the people that will constantly surround them till they transfer schools; if we were unified as a class and actually helped one another in our academic work, with social problems and all other burdens we are faced with, we will find life in school so much easier.

At this moment I am not sure what this blog is about or how it will help others, but at least I feel much better and feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I may not understand or be able to make sense of this blog but if you can make some sense out of it, then please be sure to enlighten me.

Yours truly lost and confused

BrokenMind.

Loneliness in a crowd

Everything changes with time. The change can either be quick, coming as a shock or it can come slowly without you even realizing anything is different. I'm sure even if you are not human, there are sometimes when you are in a crowd but you feel so alone, times when there are so many people with you but you feel like the world is against you or the feeling that no one understands you or cares about you. Believe me; I know just how it feels. You feel like whatever forces controlling the universe are against you being happy or content.

This is simple known as being insecure. Everyone feels this way from time to time and has his/her own way of assuring him/herself that the person is worth something, or just gets angry at the world till he or she gets over the feeling of insignificance or loneliness. Being insecure is normal and you shouldn't feel bad about being insecure from time to time.

What most people do is change, become someone completely unlike the person who they really are. This could make you feel better for awhile but after some time you’ll feel even worse than the way you felt before your ‘change’. You will also feel the need to change anything about you that the people around you want to change, and this is just not right.

I have come to realize that the only way to completely get over the feeling and move on with life with nothing holding you back is to address the source and cause of the feeling. Sometime it feels like there is no cause, and that you are just a victim of the world cruelty or an object which is meant to be sued by others whenever the wish to use you. The only way to get over this feeling completely is to gain self confidence/respect and stop looking for everyone’s approval (some peoples approval are important and you will need to seek them), just the selected few which you actually need to move forward in life.

Identify the source of the problem and confront it, confronting it could be either talking to someone you trust (who can give good advice) about the source of your problem (if the source is not alive) or talking to the person who is the source of your problem. In both case you should talk about everything related to the matter which is bothering you, not leaving out any details and then together with the person, come up solution. Sometime just finding out the reason and advising yourself gets rid of that horrible feeling.

Just remember that no matter what, you are never truly alone. There are people all around who care even if you don’t know them, so never give up on living the life which you are meant to live as the amazing, secure and confident person you are meant to be.

"Forgetting is painful. But not doing anything is extending your suffering."

                                                                                                         Anne Hathaway 

Sometimes Friendly Equals Potential Murder

I'm sure everyone reading this has heard all those things about internet safety. I'm sure most of you were concerned at first then after sometime you just stopped caring about internet safety.
Well this is me telling you to start caring because there are some really;

• weird 
• sick 
• clinically insane people using the internet

Believe me, I know for first hand contact with such a person, though I haven't figured out which of the above the person is.

This is just me telling you this because I just checked my Facebook account and found out someone (who happens to not be included on my friend list) had created and album of their own with all my current pictures.  Then soon after I get a text from an unknown number saying the person used some of my pictures to make an album because the pictures were nice.

When I reply, "Do not text this number again!!!". I get another text with the person asking if he can come over to my house, and that said person already knows were I live!!!

Naturally I said sure, the person can drop by around 5 o'clock... when this guy walks into my house, I let go of my three boerboe l mix dogs and let them chase the guy till my hearts content. After about 10 minutes i called my dogs back and the guy got out of the tree and run out of my house as fast as he could.

My above experience has motivated me to tell you to be careful of the things you put on the internet unless you know a way to get rid of them if they come knocking on your door... literally. Seriously, be careful...

Remember this too, if a person sounds friendly and fun on the internet, it does not mean you should meet them in person.

Normal

What exactly is normal? In our time is there even anything like normality. Now its like you cant go anywhere without being told  "Wow, you're weird." or "You are so strange.", seriously I really don't get it. Is being an individual considered as being weird?
I now declare that the new weird is normal. Just think about this, if everyone looked the same way, thought the same way, behaved the same way, and talked the same way, there would be nothing like individuality! I seriously dislike and like how people just get up and call other people weird... but i must say if someone hasn't called you weird, strange or abnormal at some point in your life, you should be worried. I wont lie and say that sometimes it doesn't hurt, but if you probably heard it from someone who is close to you at some point.
Seriously, I'm just righting this because i saw some little kid crying because her friend said she was weird and refused to play with her... well naturally i played with the kid... I'm just awesome like that.

Behavior

 Everyone thinks and sees life differently, which means everyone behaves differently. Seriously, look at all the crazy ideas you have had, now imagine if everyone in the world thought the same thing and in the end you were able to act on them. what will the world be like if that happened? I for one know that if I acted on all my ideas the world will be one very messed up place.

Even if you haven’t thought of anything potentially harmful to the existence of the human race, you definitely have your flaws. They could be vanity, pride, ignorance and the list goes on. Think of the number of times you have been rude to someone, made someone feel bad, or even just not being friendly to someone. You then realize that no one is perfect from your perspective of life, not even you.

So now the big question is what on earth should we do to make sure we all get along? The key is to just learn to consider what others want and try as much as possible not to be selfish. You have to admit, you are either over doing it or not thinking about others enough. I wish I could talk more about his topic, but truth be told, you can only get along with someone if both of you want to get along.

The thing if you want people to get along with you, you will have to watch how you behave towards then and hope that that’s enough to get them to want to stay friends with you. If a person can stick around and put up with you, when you behave like a prick (excuse the language) ,you know you have a real friend.

I’m not saying you should intentionally behave like that, I’m saying that when you are at a rough patch and are having problems with relating to people or you are so rude to them when telling them you need to be alone and they will decide to give you space, but be there when you need them the most. If you behave this way towards someone, they will behave the same way towards you, and you will both be true good friends to each other. 

Believe me when i say if you don't hold on to your true friends tight, and you end up regreting it in the end, because a true friend will be the person to rush into your way if you are headind astray. 

“A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. ”