At this point I really
don’t know what this log is about or what I'm writing. This just seems like the
easiest way to voice out my opinion, as well as release the worries that have
been building up in my mind these past few weeks, and hopefully the stress that
has built up with the arrival of each new worry in my broken mind.
I have finally lost ‘it’, whatever it may be I am yet to find out. I am currently sitting on my bed and just typing all this nonsense because I desperately need to get all this out of my head.
I have finally lost ‘it’, whatever it may be I am yet to find out. I am currently sitting on my bed and just typing all this nonsense because I desperately need to get all this out of my head.
I have had people say a
lot of things to me good or bad, I have had teachers walking in to my class and
telling those of us with the not so perfect grades and tell my form that they don’t
have a doubt that majority of my class is going to have to be held back a year
so proudly and full of confidence, and when we tell them they are being too
harsh and killing what little self confidence we have left, they raise there
voices and tell us that we don’t know how it feel to be so disappointed. What
they fail to look at is how we would be feeling, having learnt late into the
night or even in to the early hours of the morning for a week only to write a
test and get the work sheet back with the word “Un-gradable” or the mark 7.7% or less written boldly at the top
right corner of your paper. People in the same form as you who easily walk up
to a teacher and ask them for help, but when you attempt to do the same, all
you hear in the voice in the back of your head asking you, “ if you go for
help, will it make a difference?”. Sadly, what the teachers say is justified by
the attitude exhibited by some students.
Can you really blame an
academically weak student who is in a class labeled as the, “The worst form there
has been” for failing to motivate his/herself to learn? The saddest part is
when most of the students in such a class are not performing so well because of
issues at home, personal issues and statements which a student will find very
hard to explain to his/her own friends, how much more a teacher. When a teacher
says such de-motivating comments to a student that is already constantly
struggling to keep him/herself from breaking down and crying already, is it possible
for such a student to actually sit down and study with the persons personal
problems as well as such de-motivating thoughts going through the persons head.
When a class is constantly
put down simply because there are some bad nuts in it, own will the few
unspoilt nuts manage to go on if they are having personal crisis coupled with
the ever so constant string of downing words? Its like if a class is known for notorious
behavior, all the individuals in the class are bad. It’s not supposed to work
that way. When new teaches are being informed of the way the school is run by
their co workers, they are told not to pay too much attention to my class, or
not to expect anything good of the class. Although I am not one of those usually
spoken ill of(character wise), it worries me deeply when my classmates, which I'm
barely acquainted with, get spoken ill of. I may not know them well or get
along with them, but it makes me sick when I hear bad things being said about
any of them.
The thing that bothers
me the most is the fact that my class is not a class. Most people don’t speak
to more than 5% of the class myself included. They don’t realize that is we
constantly act as a class it will end 50% of our troubles. Most people don’t care
about the next person or think it’s important to be on good terms with the
people that will constantly surround them till they transfer schools; if we
were unified as a class and actually helped one another in our academic work,
with social problems and all other burdens we are faced with, we will find life
in school so much easier.
At this moment I am
not sure what this blog is about or how it will help others, but at least I feel
much better and feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I may not
understand or be able to make sense of this blog but if you can make some sense
out of it, then please be sure to enlighten me.
Yours truly lost and confused
BrokenMind.
