Not really a post...

Well this is not really a post. It’s more of an apology and a plea wrapped in one. I am apologizing to anyone who has been waiting for the past five months for me to post something. I am really sorry. There have been so many things going on that I wanted to write about but had no time to complete them, let alone post them. I promise that no matter where I am ill update more frequently.

Secondly I’ll like to ask people who read my posts for feedback: it should not necessarily agree with my posts, it could disagree, you could even tell me if you have noted mistakes in my work. I just want some sort of feedback so I can write better.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Yours truly Confused

Broken Mind.

What is friendship?

I know I've already done a post on friends, but I'll like to add more to it without changing anything in the original post. So I guess this is it....

A friendship requires at least, two things: two people; two friends. What are friends? I'm sure a lot of you have sat down just to think about what friends are and their use. Just think about it, what it will be like if the people you call friends only came to talk to you when they want something from you or they have no one else to talk about class gossip. This is a person who develops their opinion about you by getting to know and not by the opinion of others. A friend is loyal and trust worthy.

If that's how your "friends" behave than they are not your friends! Friends not are people who only talk to you or hang with you when they need something like company, money, your time or your notes. Friends are definitely not people who come to you only when they need something from you or when they have nothing else doing with their time. In this age and time that is what most friendships are like.

A friend is someone who genuinely cares about you, is there for you in good time as well as the bad. A friend is someone who doesn't care what others say about you and will always defend you. A friend is someone who doesn’t need to say their sorry when their wrong, but can convey it through other means. A friend is someone who corrects you when you are wrong, tells you the truth but tries not to make it hurt and is not shy to be seen with you even when you’re the lowest of the low in social hierarchy. Friends are people who make an effort to understand you till they don't need to make an effort to understand you any-more. A friend is a person who you can argue with without being mad at and a friend is there for you always. If what you consider as a friend is anything but these, the person may just be using you or might just be around you to pass the time.

Are you able to tell your friends anything and everything? Most people can't do that with their friends and be sure they will understand them, will not criticize them or make fun of them. I'm not saying you should not have little secrets, I'm saying you should be able to talk about most things without having that voice in the back of your head telling you not to tell then because they will laugh at you.

Like everything else friends can be grouped, there are;

1.     Friends relate to and get along with

2.     People you get along with but do not relate to

The people that you get along with but do not relate to can also be divided into two groups;

1.     People you like to talk with to pass the time (partial friends)

2.     People who you talk to just for the sake of getting something from them or because your friends are not there (Using them for whatever you want or need)

We all have used someone before, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally. Most of the times it’s not something you plan on doing, it just happens and if it’s done knowingly there is no good excuse for just using another person, it is simply cruel and unjustifiable. Why not try to actually be friends with the person (people) we have used, that way we can actually have the right to ask the person for help.

One thing most people don't realize is you can be a friend to anyone and everyone. You can be friends with that old lady who lives in your neighborhood  you can be friends to the weird kid at school, you can be friends with that eight year old kid which talks a lot and you can even be friends with your teacher.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our powerlessness pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our, that is a friend who cares.”― Henri J.M. Nouwen

The above quote shows what a real friend is; let’s hope we can all relate to our friends like this because that is true friendship.

ATTITUDE, MANNERISMS &TALKING

Talking. Everyone communicates with another person, it doesn't matter if you can’t speak or can’t talk. There are other ways of communicating with people. Most people have heard the phrase, “think before you talk.” This doesn’t only apply to what you say, but also the tone and the mannerisms you use.

There are many reasons why we need to watch how we speak. No one can ever know what exactly is going through the next persons mind: whether he/she is in a bad mood, whether he/she dislikes it when others speak on a particular topic or even whether the person dislikes it when others speak in a particular tone. There are some people that have no problems no matter how you talk to him/her; this could be because of the kind of relationship you have with that person or the person’s character.

Everyone is different so there is a general way to address everyone and get your point across clearly without being offensive.

The very first thing to keep in mind is always accept correction when you’re wrong. No one likes a person who can’t admit he or she is wrong because this person is too proud. Such people are not easy to work with, live with or have a healthy relationship with. Living with such a person is challenging, but there are ways to get the person to cooperate with you.

• Get another person in the room who wouldn’t be afraid to tell the person that he/she is wrong.
• Listen to his/her opinion before you tell him/her that the person is wrong.
•   Do not tell the person straight away he or she is wrong. Give the person the reason why he/ she can’t be right.
• Try to get the person to know how you arrived at the right answer or point the person in the direction of the right answer so that he/she would not loose self-esteem.

There is a class of people that can be tagged psychologically as EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE. This condition makes people behave in various ways. It alters the person’s attitude around certain people or when put in certain situations. Such people usually weren’t treated nicely when they were younger because of who they were, so when around a lot of people (Usually the popular people or the most liked) they adopt a different attitude and behavior.

With such people, there isn’t much you can do to help. Emotional instability is a condition not a choice. Most of people with this condition have probably been through something when they were younger or have just painted a mental picture in their mind for a long period of time that you have to behave in a certain way to gain acceptance and to avoid being mocked. You can try to get the person to know that he or she has a problem by explaining the symptoms of the physiological disorder to the person so he or she can identify that the person has a problem and make an attempt to get better.

There are also a class of people that behave in that way because of peer pressure. This class of people should just be educated about peer pressure and if they learn how to cope with peer pressure their attitude would change.

Then there are the just plain rude. These people refuse to say simple things like please and thank you, and give snarky and cheeky remarks and short annoying answer to questions. These people should be taught about respect and how no one likes a rude person because it is just as bad as being proud and should be treated as such.

There are also people who just don’t think before they talk. They just spill out whatever is on their minds without censoring it. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t express yourself or voice out your thoughts. I’m just saying that you should phrase the things you that you say properly so you don’t offend anyone.

Now I come to mannerisms. Most people don’t watch the gesture that they make with their hands, their eyes or the tone they use when speaking. Everyone is raised differently. In some homes talking whiles someone older than you is talking, is disrespectful, whiles in other homes anything goes. This means that when with people who you weren’t raised with, you have to watch your mannerism. You have to act in a manner that is generally accepted. 

• You should keep contact with the person you are trying to communicate with. This shows that you are being attentive.
• You should stand in an acceptable posture. Do not slouch, turn your back to the person and don’t have a lazy look on your face.
• You should choose words and phrases carefully and use had gestures only when needed to
• Think about the possible reaction that someone could have to the things you say before speaking.

Truth be told when you sit down and analyze the way the people around you speak critically and look at their mannerisms, you would be appalled at the kind of things people say just because they don’t think about what they are going to say. Yes, sometimes we all don’t think before we speak but as creatures of the highest order we should be able to conduct ourselves, communicate efficiently and not let little things, like they manner in which we speak stop us from doing that.

The bottom line is that people needs to watch how they speak to others, because if you don’t watch how you speak, you could create discord without knowing it. It could be caused by one little thing you said that caused it.